Acceptance......a philosophical rant of sorts

Bender

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A philosophical rant of sorts.....

-A functioning, angry drunk that is bitter and mean.
-An individual excels in every thing he does, but it’s never good enough for him.
-A woman who is a lesbian that is haunted by her family’s lack of acceptance.
-A dear friend had the perfect life, until he shot himself in the heart.

For years I have wondered why can’t I simply accept people for who they are and just move on. Why does it bother me that I can’t fix these issues? Why should I care that I care? Why should I want to care?
 

boatdoc

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maybe because you look to fix things rather than just accept what they are?..it is your nature to seek to better something. not a bad trait IMHO


cheering for Purdue yet?hope the move went well.Lewis and clark fest should happen soon---have a buffalo burger on me
 

Bender

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Quite possibly.....

Not starting until Jan 7th. Haven’t been to a Purdue game in just over thirty years. My 1st assignment was at Grissom AFB in ‘85
 

ThePlumber

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I get it. You want to help people. But some people won’t accept help and some don’t deserve help. I’ve observed people close up for a long time now, still amaze me with their behavior.
 

ZoidMeister

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A philosophical rant of sorts.....

-A functioning, angry drunk that is bitter and mean.
-An individual excels in every thing he does, but it’s never good enough for him.
-A woman who is a lesbian that is haunted by her family’s lack of acceptance.
-A dear friend had the perfect life, until he shot himself in the heart.

For years I have wondered why can’t I simply accept people for who they are and just move on. Why does it bother me that I can’t fix these issues? Why should I care that I care? Why should I want to care?

People are who they are. Everyone is a composite of their experiences and their inner demons. How they fight the inner demons is who you see on the outside. It's the unseeable, unknowable inner demons you are contending with.

Trying to "fix" someone requires you to battle those inner demons. It's difficult to battle an enemy you cannot see and do not know. Sometimes the host becomes more comfortable with the inner demons than they are with external demons. In these cases, they work to protect the "known" inner demons they are comfortable with over the outer.

Expectations are key. Men get married thinking their wives will never change, women get married thinking their husbands will.

People hate being told what to do, how to live, what's wrong with them. People love hearing about what you've done to defeat your demons.

What I do is put myself into their position. "If I were facing what you are facing, here is how I would move forward."

This gives them the opportunity to choose, they retain control.

But what the hell do I know . . . .
 

ThePlumber

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What I do is put myself into their position. "If I were facing what you are facing, here is how I would move forward."
That is a tough thing to do, at least for me. We’ve (wife and I) have faced a number of very serious issues (mostly medical) over the years. I’ve learned that people think they know what they would do in a certain situation, but until you have been there you don’t know for sure. We have learned to keep moving forward and deal with life as is comes.
 

FWoo45

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I am a fixer. I always want to make everything right (at least IMO). I have learned that it's not my job to fix folks. Some don't want or need the attention. Or at least not from me. I'm trying to just let people I care about be themselves but be there for them if they need me. I don't have all the answers and that can sometimes be a difficult pill to swallow. As Zoid said we often have no idea what a person is dealing with on the inside. Even if I do, my best course of action might not be the best for them. Or they're not ready to do anything about it. I've learned that I don't succeed as much when someone tells me I need to do something but I do better when I realize I do. That being said the support, or lack thereof, of those close can be a game changer.
 

Ethanol Red

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I don’t think you can fix someone. You can be there as a friend however. Sometimes just being there is the fix. Many people are surrounded but lonely.
 

Bender

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I don’t think you can fix someone. You can be there as a friend however. Sometimes just being there is the fix. Many people are surrounded but lonely.

Great point Red
You can lead a horse to water, but ya can’t make him drink.
There are friends here for ya Red....just gotta reach out.
 
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fieldgrade

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Somewhat OT, but as I paddle down this little river of life (and my family's life) I'm always trying to see around the next bend to deal with whatever calamity I perceive might be there for me or mine, in advance if I can.

But none of us can see around that next bend. I can only deal with what I see right in front of me, if even that.
I spend way too much time worrying about what's around the next bend when I often can't even effectively deal with *now*.
 
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Ethanol Red

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Somewhat OT, but as I paddle down this little river of life (and my family's life) I'm always trying to see around the next bend to deal with whatever calamity I perceive might be there for me or mine, in advance if I can.

But none of us can see around that next bend. I can only deal with what I see right in front of me, if even that.
I spend way too much time worrying about what's around the next bend when I often can't even effectively deal with *now*.
Yep. Enjoy life as it’s so fleeting. I could die next Tuesday. Or in a year or two. Or 50 years. You never know. Live the way you want to be remembered. I plan to die on the side of the highway changing a tire for an old lady. Smashed by a drunk driver. I think that would be good for me. It makes for a good story at the funeral. Not as good as a shark attack but still pretty good.
 
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